Marriage Counseling: How To Know If You Need Couples Therapy

 

Marriage Counseling: Ultimate Guide To Know Everything About Marriage Therapy

 

“When you are focused on your partner’s good qualities and show them the same kindness, warmth, respect, and generosity of spirit that you would your best friend, your relationship has the greatest chance of not just surviving but thriving into its later years.”

– Sophie Winters

Marriage And Family Counseling For The Couples: Do you find yourself detached from your partner while living under the same roof? Do you often involve in endless arguments on trifle matters? Do you find it difficult to interact and share your thoughts and ideas with your partner? Do you dislike spending time with each other? Has love disappeared from your joyful married life?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to all of these questions, know that your married life is in great trouble and now you definitely need the help of an expert and professional Marriage Counsellor. Otherwise, you are statistically at a higher risk for divorce. However, It does not mean that divorce is inevitable. But now you have to work much harder to keep your relationship on track.

No need to worry if you are wondering what marriage counseling is and how professional marriage advice can help you save and add sparkle to your relationship. Lifelords helps you know all about marriage counseling and how it can improve your relationship. In this article you will find the answer to the following questions:

What is Marriage Therapy and What is Marriage Counseling?

Top Reasons You May Need Marriage Counseling

What Do You Need To Know About Marriage Counseling?

How To Properly Choose A Marriage Counselor?

Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage Counseling

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What Is Marriage Therapy Or What Is Marriage Counseling?

“Marriage Counseling is also known as Couple’s Therapy, Couples’ Counseling, or Marriage Therapy. It is a type of psychotherapy that helps to improve romantic relationships and resolve interpersonal conflicts by identifying the actual problems of married couples. Most often this counseling is conducted by a qualified professional and it provides couples with an opportunity to work through their most difficult or emotionally challenging problems.”

Considering the fact that almost 25% of all marriages end in divorce in developed countries, there is an increase in couples seeking marriage counseling. If your marriage is having problems, do not wait too long to seek professional help. Marriage counseling can be very effective, especially if couples seek it out sooner rather than later.

Through marriage counseling, you can make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding and strengthening your relationship or going your separate ways. Marriage counseling can help couples in all types of intimate relationships — regardless of sexual orientation or marital status.

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10 Signs That Tell You Need Marriage Counseling

Staying in a long-term, committed relationship is one of the most difficult things for most people. Usually, all couples experience conflict. For some it’s financial insecurity; for others, it’s an unsatisfied sex life that’s lacking or a pattern of constant arguing. Here are some warning signs that signify now you need help from an expert marriage counselor.

1. You or Your Partner Have An Extra-marital Affair

Infidelity is one of the most common reasons for going to marriage counseling. Some common reasons for cheating are feeling neglected, insecurity issues, or a fear of abandonment. If you or your partner have been unfaithful in a relationship, it’s better to try counseling now so that it could help to save your marriage. In today’s connected world, it’s not just physical affairs that happen, but also emotional affairs.

According to statistics, 22% of men have committed at least one act of adultery in their lives. Also, 14% of married women have had affairs at least once during their lives. As many as 36% of men and women have admitted to having an affair with a co-worker. And, 70% of married women and 54% of married men did not know about their spouses’ infidelity.

Infidelity is one of the biggest betrayals a marriage can face; for some couples, the marriage will end because of a one-night stand, and for others, it can be multiple offenses. The destruction of trust in an already weak relationship can often be the death knell to the relationship. However, if you are sincere about saving your relationship, then go to a marriage counselor before the situation gets out of your hands.

2. You or Your Partner Lies or Keeps Secrets

Without trust, what’s left in a relationship? Simply, nothing. And how many times have you heard these words – “I don’t trust him/her anymore. He lied and made a stupid deal, she gambled or cheated”… These words show the insincerity of a person. Each person in a relationship has a right to privacy, but when you keep secrets from each other, something isn’t right.

Yes, it’s true that there may be some secrets you don’t want to tell anybody. But you have to remember what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. When you keep things secret for the betterment of your family or spouse it’s okay to tell a lie but if you tell lies to hide your wrongdoings or crimes, it’s a big no-no.

Remember, there needs to be total transparency and honesty in a healthy marriage but when you or your spouse begin to keep secrets and avoid sharing your experiences and information with each other, then your marriage might get into trouble and need counseling.

3. You Are Untrustworthy In Financial Matters

Do you know financial issues are one of the most common causes of divorce in the USA? Money issues can make married couples crazy because money touches so many parts of all people’s lives. If you or your partner are being dishonest about finances it could be a major sign of distress in your relationship. Money problems are big problems for any single person and double in intensity with two people are involved and a potential family.

Married couples are guilty of not talking much about financial expectations prior to or during a marriage. Simple financial conflicts are easily remedied with conversation and counseling, but in situations of lack and proportionality, a simple conflict can be huge. Money issues can wreck a marriage in so many different ways.

Spouses who are reckless with credit cards can run up large debts without the knowledge of their spouse. If you do not inform your partner about your expenses, loans, savings, and various other financial matters, it can damage your marriage. You could get the help of a marriage counselor if you find yourself unable to resolve all financial issues with your own.

4. Whatever Your Partner Does Annoys You

No two people are the same in this world as everyone has different personality traits. Persons with different personalities can be very compatible as a couple and likewise persons with similar personalities may be incompatible. Compatibility is the ability to live together with each other’s similarities or differences. It is that harmonious balance arrived at by two persons in a relationship.

When this balance starts to erode over time, it fuels the feelings of irritation and disappointment in a relationship. And soon you see an enemy in your spouse every time they disagree or oppose your view. Sometimes the situation is worsened to such an extent that whatever your partner does it annoys you.

It can be challenging for anyone to live in such circumstances for a long time. A few events of frustration may sound reasonable, but if you find that your partner is constantly stroking you the wrong way no matter what they’re doing, you should reach out to a marriage counselor.

5. You Are Thinking About Getting Married

Marriage counseling is highly effective and if you are going to married soon, pre-marital counseling can really help you to navigate some issues in your Marriage. So it would be wise to embark on some couples therapy sessions together to give your relationship a solid foundation. Josephine Irabor tells about the experience of premarital counseling in these words:

“We have been married for 24 years now, we had our pre-marital counseling before we started the joining of marriage. We have never had any need of going to a marriage counselor because some of the challenges we have encountered have already been explained to us and were told how to handle without it even getting to the next day or spilling over, talk-less of getting a third party involved or to help resolve it.

“Do I mean we have not had any disagreement or challenges? Absolutely, we have had challenges We have had a series of different issues at different times but we have been able to put everything under our control because of the lectures and training we went through organized by my church then, and a big thank you to them.”

 

Top Reasons You May Need Marriage Counseling

6. You Always Argue on Trivial Matters

Intense and frequent fighting is toxic to a marriage. Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution. This can ultimately be a cause of divorce for 57.7% of couples.

John Gottman’s research looks at happy couples. He has discovered that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship. Unhappy couples do not have this skill set.

When you argue over the same little things over and over again it makes your relationship highly vulnerable as there would be no love, no respect, and no sense of responsibility in such a marriage. In this situation, marriage counseling might be able to help figure out why there is so much turmoil. Allowing an unbiased party to diffuse arguments can help you figure out the real cause of the strife.

7. You Hardly Speak To Each Other

The crux of any relationship is communication. When you are no longer able to communicate with your spouse constructively, your marriage may be in deep trouble. Sure, you typically hear reasons for marriage counseling like money disagreements, commitment issues, and the other things in this list, but remember these problems are also rooted in a breakdown of communication.

Communication can be an early casualty when you get so wrapped up in all the layers of your life. If you can’t talk your ish out in a way both partners understand, all that’s left is an unproductive argument and growing resentment. Sometimes, you go on autopilot and make assumptions when it comes to communication. That’s just as dangerous.

Remember, some issues observed in married life are quite normal and the communication gap is also one of them. It can be easily resolved by marriage counselors and if couples timely approach them, they can begin to build trust and improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions.

8. You Want Your Spouse To Change

How many times have you heard these statements from the people: “He/she’s just not the same person I married. I don’t like his eating habits. I don’t like her dressing sense. I don’t like this or that.” When you think your partner is not perfect and he or she needs to change in various aspects of life, it is a clear sign that you are not happy with your marriage. It’s not unusual to expect some changes in your partner but it also doesn’t mean that you have every right to change your spouse’s entire personality.

We all change and grow in the face of new challenges. What’s important in marriage is knowing how to be each other’s cheerleader on your personal journeys. It’s ok to have different interests and beliefs. Power of Two skills teaches you how to reconcile your differences instead of having them lead to separation or divorce. Get the skills to analyze your errors and prevent future repeats.

Accept your partner with his/her natural traits and if you find any difficulty always consult a therapist. counseling helps to steady and calm a disturbed mind, unburden all that is bottled up, feel relaxed and then discuss the problems faced in an orderly systematic manner. Experts in counseling know the art of guiding you during this stressful period and help you in coming to a decision.

9. Your Relationship Lacks Intimacy

Do you also have this feeling – I just don’t love him/her anymore. If you answered it ‘yes’ it means that your relationship lacks intimacy. After years of marriage, some couples no longer engage with each other and merely coexist as roommates. It’s true that intense passion doesn’t last forever but love can stay for a lifetime. You may not always feel love but you must determine to love your partner as yourself.

The loving feeling dwindles when couples lock into negative patterns that lead them away from each other. This will be a time when you are not able to concentrate, analyze the pros and cons of the issue and come to a decision. The truth is you can restore that loving feeling with a number of changes. Whenever a person is disturbed over marital or love-related issues, they can seek counseling.

Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times. Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation, and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship. Remember, simple changes can re-ignite the spark, and sex and intimacy can be improved!

10. Your Partner Is Not Listening

If you’re feeling like your partner is hearing you but not really listening to what you’re saying, it could be the time for marriage counseling. A great relationship involves paying attention to your spouse. It’s the sign of a healthy marriage to ask about the type of day they’ve had, if they’re worried about something, if they’re hiding little nagging aches and pains, or if they want someone to listen to their problems attentively after a long, hard day.

When these small acts of intimacy go away, each partner may feel rejected. That can lead to a downward spiral in the overall quality of a relationship. Over time, this can blossom into intense feelings of feeling unloved and unappreciated. Going for ‘marriage therapy’ helps you communicate openly about your marital problems and aids you and your spouse to discuss the differences and solve the problems together.

And these are just a few, but you get the picture of why it’s important and see the benefits of having a marriage counselor in the time of need. Let’s face it! two angry, hurt, or only seeing it their way individuals are not going to solve any problems. In other words, we will only add fuel to the fire and continue to destroy what little connection we have. Remember this, be willing to let someone speak into your life that can help induce change for the good.

 

What You Need To Know About Marriage Counseling

Points To Remember About Marriage Counseling

Remember, there is no magic recipe for turning a bad relationship into a lovely bond. Marriage counseling helps only on two grounds. Unless these two grounds are there, marriage counseling cannot work. They are:

1. The partners have already realized that they are at fault, have not been able to resolve issues themselves, and therefore approach a third neutral person to help them resolve it.

2. The partners are willing to make their marriage work.

Marriage, like anything else, requires work and maintenance. For many couples, marriage counseling is just the thing that helps them move through their struggles and endure as a couple. Marriage counseling may not always be easy, especially at first, but your marriage is worth the work. Many times we get uncomfortable when an outsider has to step into our private life but we also have to realize when we need someone else to step in because we are not able to resolve the issues ourselves.

Like most therapy sessions, marriage counseling isn’t always going to be emotionally comfortable. Marriage counseling is a safe place for you to share some of the feelings that aren’t always out in the open, and that can be difficult for you and your partner. It’s common for marriage counseling to include intense emotions, some crying, and probably a few raised voices. That’s common and okay.

Your therapist wants to create a space where both you and your partner have their feelings validated, where you can “let it out,” but also where you can come away with instructions for how to work on your communication and tips for solving problems moving forward.

Most marriage counseling is short-term, as couples are usually going in with a specific problem they are looking to solve. Marriage counseling also tends to be very practical. You might even leave the session with “homework,” or specific tactics to try next time your issue comes up.

Why Do You Need Marriage Counseling

If there is a problem in the marriage that the two of you as adults cannot solve would be grounds to seek some kind of counseling. This may not need a certified marriage counselor, maybe only a neutral third party. If you are both approaching the issue in good faith and cannot reach a solution, it could be very helpful to hear someone’s advice.

It would be even more important for someone to be able to identify where one or both of you is being unreasonable. Perhaps there is a question of values that you did not resolve prior to getting married. Perhaps one of you is simply refusing to consider the other one’s point of view. In any of these cases, a counselor could become quite valuable.

Would you continue to treat yourself for an illness that was not responding to home remedies? Why wait until the problem causes a complete marital breakdown. A user on Quora told about the importance of marriage counseling in the following words –

“Like many couples, I see in my practice, my husband and I waited until we were utterly miserable before we sought help. We were, by then, exhausted by our circuitous arguments and stuck in some pretty counterproductive behavior patterns. Fortunately, our desire to stay married overcame whatever pride, stubbornness, or resistance we had. We saw several therapists before we finally ended up with someone who offered help that truly helped. This year, we’ll celebrate our 40th anniversary.”

Any couple that plans to marry or is married would be amazed at how much benefit they can get by working with a qualified, reputable, licensed marriage counselor. It is far better to start going to a marriage counselor sooner than later because they can help you reduce if not avoid painful choices and decisions most marriages experience. Why settle for less, especially when it is so affordable.

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How To Choose A Professional Marriage Counsellor

What To Look For In A Marriage Counselor

All marriages do not stand for a lifetime. And there is nothing like a perfect marriage. Sometimes in your married life, you will also face some rough times. Although numerous couples can pass through these rough times, some of the couples can’t handle this and it results in ending up of their married life. When a married life goes through an abnormal situation, it is quite normal to look for help from marriage counselors.

A marriage counselor is both a trained professional and a neutral third party who can mediate discussions, teach couples how to deal with their issues and keep conflicts under control, and give them the tools they need to communicate. It’s kind of amazing how often people in relationships resent their partner’s actions (or inaction), while the partner has no idea that there’s even a problem.

A good counselor can help identify these areas, and help people learn to get along. Many counselors are trained through life experience when it comes to relationships and we must learn to trust their ability to help and go through the process. It’s great to have someone who can listen to both sides and be able to make a sound decision for couples and get them back on the right track.

Marriage Counseling Services can be very helpful in getting your married life on track. Numerous married couples find it very comfortable to have a person with whom they can talk freely when it is related to the relationships. There are various benefits that married couples can get when they go for marriage counseling services. Here we have provided some practical tips which assist you in choosing the best marriage counseling services.

Go For A Licensed Marriage Counselor

Marriage counseling is often provided by licensed therapists known as marriage and family therapists. These therapists have graduate or postgraduate degrees — and many choose to become credentialed by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). It may be possible that all marriage counselors who are in practice are not licensed.

To make sure that you are acquiring the best counselor in town, ensure to choose one who has specific education, training in helping couples, and has vast experience to help married couples. The marriage counselor’s license will justify that he or she has the required qualifications.

Moreover, the license will also confirm to you that the marriage counselor is qualified enough to address any issues related to married couples counseling. Before scheduling sessions with a specific therapist, consider whether the therapist would be a good fit for you and your partner. You might ask questions about:

1. Education and experience: What is your educational and training background? Are you licensed by the state? Are you credentialed by the AAMFT? What is your experience with our type of issue?

2. Logistics: Where is your office? What are your office hours? Are you available in case of an emergency?

3. Treatment plan: How many sessions should we expect to have? How long is each session?

4. Fees and insurance: How much do you charge for each session? Are your services covered by our health insurance plan?

Choose A Professional Marriage Counselor

There are numerous techniques and styles of marriage therapy, but the most known and the most efficient are the proof-based or scientifically based treatment. Select the marriage counselor who focuses on scientifically based marriage therapy. You must ask the marriage therapist if he or she is knowledgeable about this kind of style and if he/she has used it.

If the marriage counselor is not quite familiar with it or does not use such a style, then do ask them what kind of therapy he uses in counseling. It does not matter what kind of style the therapist uses; he or she must be capable of defending his or her therapy style in an evidence-based argument.

Indeed, with the proper guidance of good Marriage Counseling, your relationship can commence on a different journey of love and respect, and you would be able to enjoy your new life together, and that will be quite stronger as never before.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage Counseling

1. Who Can Get Maximum Benefits From Marriage Counseling?

1. Couples who feel that household responsibilities are unequal and can’t figure out how to effectively communicate about this or come up with solutions.

2. Couples who feel like they have the same fight over and over and it’s hard to see eye to eye or come up with a solution.

3. Couples who have experienced a recent tragedy or loss and are having trouble processing it together.

4. Couples who feel unheard or who feel like their partner has no emotional connection.

5. Couples who are dealing with substance abuse, infidelity, or mental health issues.

6. Couples who disagree about parenting, financial, or lifestyle choices.

7. Couples who feel that they have lost sexual or romantic chemistry.

8. Couples who feel like their marriage is on auto-pilot.

2. What Are Some Effective Marriage Counseling Techniques?

1. Emotionally focused couples therapy
2. Imago relationship therapy
3. Communication therapy
4. Intimacy enhancement
5. Individual counseling
6. Positive psychology
7. Narrative therapy
8. Gottman Method

3. When Marriage Counseling Wouldn’t Work

If a marriage has deeper and more fundamental problems, if either or both of the partners doesn’t really want to be in the relationship, or isn’t willing to do what it takes to make it work, or if there’s a basic incompatibility that they can’t or won’t find a solution for, then counseling can’t fix that.

There are situations in which all the counseling in the world won’t do much. But there are also those where the only problem is that two people don’t understand what the other needs, and once you can overcome that, things become much better. So, like in so many things, it depends on the nature of the problems.

4. Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?

Marriage counseling isn’t a magic process that will effortlessly revitalize a failing marriage, or ‘fix’ a partner who’s committed to the relationship. Marriage counseling is really only helpful if you have two partners who really want to make the marriage work, but have trouble communicating effectively, understanding each other’s needs, and working out their problems. Now, that describes more failing marriages than we tend to think.

A lot of people want to make their marriages work and can’t seem to figure out how. If you are having trouble, seek out a good counselor and be careful of listening to other people’s opinions like friends and family unless they are giving you vital information that can help the marriage.

But I will say this again please seek out the right counselor, because you have some just doing for the money and there are those who do it with passion and a drive to see marriages survive. Statistics about marriage counseling are promising. According to research from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), 98% of couples who try marriage counseling report that their therapists are either excellent or good.

Of couples who try marriage counseling, 90% feel that their emotional health improves, and two-thirds report improvements in their physical health. And perhaps the most important statistic of all: up to three-fourths of couples see improvements in their relationships after marriage counseling.

5. Is Counseling Only Helpful For Troubled Couples?

Couples seek marriage counseling to improve a troubled relationship. Some couples seek marriage counseling to strengthen their partnership and gain a better understanding of each other. Marriage counseling can also help couples who plan to get married. Premarital counseling can help couples achieve a deeper understanding of each other and iron out differences before marriage.

6. How Many Sessions Do You Need?

Marriage counseling is often short-term. Marriage counseling typically includes both partners, but sometimes one partner chooses to work with a therapist alone. The specific treatment plan depends on the situation.

7. How To Prepare For Marriage Counseling?

The only preparation needed for marriage counseling is to find a therapist. You can ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a therapist. It can be helpful to interview several therapists before you decide on one.

According to relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait for an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. John Gottman’s research found that pre-marital counseling often inoculates marriage against future divorce. His research also showed that by the time couples come to marital counseling, it is often too late. It may be a last-ditch effort to resuscitate the relationship, but someone is already “leaning out” of the marriage.

When you see signs of trouble, I suggest that you take steps immediately. If you sweep your concerns under the rug or assume that the problems will take care of themselves, you are inviting divorce into your life. If you and your spouse are willing to invest in the relationship, the inevitable problems that arise in marriage can often be resolved. Find an experienced marital therapist in your area to guide you through the tough times.

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“Friendship is the glue that can hold a marriage together. Couples who know each other intimately and are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams are couples who make it.”

– Dr. John Gottman