Top Most Common Reasons For Divorce Every Couple Must Know
“When we truly care for our own selves, it becomes possible to care about other people. The more alert and sensitive we are to our own needs, the more loving and generous we can be towards others.”
– Eda LeShan
Top Most Common Reasons For Divorce: Marriage is a wonderful institution as it unites two unknown human beings with the bond of selfless love and trust. It brings that heavenly joy in our life which we have never experienced before but only if we respect the sanctity of this lovely bond. Marriage is a relationship that demands incessant sacrifice and dedication and if one is not committed enough in his relationship this lovely bond starts to shatter which finally leads to the process we call the Divorce.
Obviously maintaining a long-lasting and rewarding relationship is a challenge for every one of us but it’s also true that no one gets married with the intention of getting a divorce. Divorce is a very painful situation for everyone, whether it’s husband or wife.
However, it’s a bitter truth that the divorce rate is still too high in the United States of America in spite of all the efforts made by family and social pressure, and so-called marriage counselors. But why do couples divorce? What are the reasons that force couples to split their way? What are the reasons that devastate a happy-go-lucky and jovial family?
What Studies Say About The Reasons For Divorce
Various studies conducted in different countries from time to time have illustrated numerous reasons behind divorce. An annual study in the UK by management consultants Grant Thornton estimates the main proximal causes of divorce based on surveys of matrimonial lawyers. The main causes were:
Adultery; Extramarital Sex; Infidelity – 27%
Domestic Violence – 17%
Midlife Crisis – 13%
Addictions, e.g. Alcoholism and Gambling – 6%
Workaholism – 6%
Other factors – 31%
You see, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced. Some studies cite midlife issues, growing apart over time, or domestic or substance abuse as primary reasons. Rankings will vary from study to study, but the most common causes of divorce always center around some specific issues.
Today we will discuss all those prominent reasons which most often force partners to seek a divorce. We hope this article will help all married couples to know the culprits that could be detrimental to their marriage as they might not even be familiar with some of them.
15 Most Common Reasons For Divorce and Final Straws
1. Adultery or Extramarital Sexual Affairs
Adultery is The Top Reason for Divorce: Marriage is the bond of trust and it is the duty of both the Husband and wife that they don’t breach the trust of their life-partner at any cost. Whatever they need whether it’s physical, sexual, or emotional they must first seek the help of their spouse. Infidelity is the ultimate breach of that trust and it is, therefore, no surprise that is one of the top reasons for getting a divorce. In many Surveys, it has found that Adultery is the number one reason behind most divorces.
These Surveys stress that extra-marital affairs are responsible for the 25-35% breakdown of most marriages and end in divorce. In countries like the USA, UK, India, and many European countries, infidelity or cheating on one’s spouse is more common nowadays and this issue has grown with the advent of smartphones and apps providing the ability to contact people at a ‘swipe and tap’ of a screen.
Cheating on a marriage partner once was done mostly by men but today married women are also engaging in affairs. Albeit secretly, it is happening, be it with single people or other married partners. Tina Fernandes, a married woman from India says,
“After having an arranged marriage for 3 years. I began to realize my marriage was sexually not fulfilling my needs as I had dated before my marriage. I began having an affair with someone at work. My husband found messages on my phone I forgot to delete. It turned ugly and he filed for divorce.”
Having an affair is the one thing that is destructive to a marriage, once found out. It destroys trust, desire, love, and care but for many, the marriage will carry on due to family and society pressures. Today, with compatibility reducing in most marriages, affairs and cheating are some of the biggest reasons for most divorces.
2. Domestic Violence or Cruelty
Domestic Violence is The Most Common Reason for Divorce: Domestic violence is a serious problem in many countries and the USA is also one of them. Usually, the reason behind domestic violence is hatred and vengeance towards each other. Most often the target of this abusive behavior is the woman. Abusive and controlling males are the top reason for most marriage’s end. It also works vice versa but so far men are found to be more abusive in these cases.
Physical and emotional abuse is a sad reality for many couples and contributes to 15-20% of all divorces. Many people think that abuse is only physical, but emotional and financial abuse are also quite common. Yelling, neglect, constant displays of anger, withholding money, vulgar comments, and other negative displays can easily damage any relationship.
Mamta Sharma, a married woman shares her tragic story on Quora in these words, “I was married at the age of 22 years with a doctor from Jaipur. Our relationship went sour within 6 months as I expected more from marriage than just becoming a caretaker for a grown-up man. One fine evening he decided he needed a punching bag to take out the anger he was feeling towards his brother. I became the punching bag.
When I recovered I decided to give another try to my marriage. Well… he told me that no matter what, I don’t have the option but to stay with him and take whatever he decides to give to me. I walked out. Today, I live happily with my child without having to go through any physical, emotional, mental burden.”
If your partner (wife or husband) is abusive and is not ready to change his/her behavior, it’s better to walk out of the marriage. Because staying in a chronically abusive relationship is not healthy, and it is not safe. Such relationships often stem into anxiety, depression, disassociation, social isolation, and also affects the mental health of children.
3. Financial Problems
Financial Problems are The Top Reason for Divorce: Undoubtedly money is one of the essential requirements to live a better and promising life. Married life brings many great responsibilities with itself, and to fulfill them, money is a dire need. Most often it’s the duty of the husband to arrange money for the family and if he fails in it, it creates a lot of trouble in married life. Living in poverty is highly stressful, and persistent financial problems can lead to fighting — which can result in divorce.
That’s why financial disagreements are a common cause of divorce nowadays. Yes, Money is important but sadly our society is becoming too capitalistic and married couples are not an exception. These days it’s all about money. Everyone is chasing for money, not that it is a bad thing, but the chase for money has become insatiable among us in this 21st Century.
Some Survey indicates that the financial condition of a husband is also one big reason for many women to get off marriage. In many cases, it has been observed that women get married to a guy seeing their parent’s wealth or his current position. But after marriage, it’s kind of hard for them to sustain on financial swings. Remember, money issues can wreck a marriage in so many different ways.
For example, Spouses who are reckless with credit cards can run up large debts without the knowledge of their spouse. It creates a lot of stress in life. To avoid divorce, couples have to handle their financial matters with great understanding and equal responsibility. Many couples have different relationships with money and they have conflicting attitudes toward earning, spending, saving, and sharing.
Simple financial conflicts are easily remedied with conversation and counseling, but in some situations, divorce is the only viable solution. So it’s better to talk clearly with your spouse on financial matters and don’t allow petty issues and grievances to overshadow the reasons you loved and cared for your partner.
Do You Know These Top Reasons For Couple’s Divorce
4. Addictions Like Alcoholism and Gambling
Addiction is The Most Common Reason for Divorce: Addiction is a burgeoning problem in our society and it has severely affected the married life of millions of people on this earth. In the United States also, it has destroyed many happy families. That’s why it’s no wonder that addiction is one of the most common causes of divorce. When you think of addictions, you probably think of drug or alcohol abuse but addictions come in many forms.
Whatever be the type of addiction it gives birth to violence and abuse in married life which could lead to a couple’s divorce. Some experts say that addiction is a factor in a couple’s divorce to a certain extent but less in an educated society. However, surveys show a completely different picture.
National Center for Biotechnology Information asked 52 people what contributed to their divorce in 2013, a third of them named substance abuse a factor that contributed to the end of their marriages. But why addictions are often cited as a reason for divorce. The reason is – addictions hijack a person’s brain, and can become one’s top priority.
They can wreak havoc on entire families in a truly terrible fashion. An addiction can take control of a spouse’s life and put them in danger of losing their jobs, friends, and marriage. When a marriage is affected by addiction, it will cause a spouse to lie, cheat, steal, or otherwise betray the foundational trust that a marriage is built upon.
However, addiction can be treated easily through proper counseling and expert treatment. But it requires patience and commitment and only that person who understands the importance of marriage and family relationships can be successful in overcoming this bad habit.
5. Constant Arguing on Trifle Matters
Constant Arguments are The Top Reason for Divorce: Arguments without logic and an intention to find a proper solution are always considered bad. The same is true in the context of marriage. Incessant arguments over trifle matters have killed many relationships in past and will do the same in the future also. Yes, conflicts in a marriage are normal but there is no need to argue just over every single topic.
Intense and frequent fighting is toxic to any marriage. Many issues can be easily resolved with patience and a clear understanding. Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated.
Sometimes arguments may be due to power struggles, lack of equality or balance in the relationship, or lack of role clarity. With Intolerance and impatience increasing in many marriages, divorce seems to be the quick answer. Rather than willing to put in the extra effort to resolve differences.
Then there is the issue of ‘over’ communication which results in one person in the relationship trying to change the other person and their ways to suit their own agenda. This tends to happen more with women ‘changing’ their man. But comparatively, there are cases of many men using emotions and dominant communication to sway or even force women to do as told. Thus, resulting in a very unhappy marriage.
6. Lack of Intimacy
Lack of Emotional Support is The Most Common Reason for Divorce: Many experts say lack of intimacy is one of the most common reasons for divorce. People need to give time to their relationships so that they can understand each other; so that they would be able to accept each other completely for what they are and ultimately they should let their relationships grow.
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because couples may feel as though they’re living with a stranger than spouses. This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex.
Lack of love in between the couple – is common among love marriages in the USA and many other countries of the world. After marriage novelty wears off for many couples and they part ways. Artificial love and only physical satisfaction that made them get married. So not able to stand on other points in marriage makes them quit.
What Are The Most Common Reasons For Divorce
7. Communication Problems
Communication Problem is The Top Reason for Divorce: The world is getting closer, but people are getting farther away from each other. The same goes for people tied together with the marital bond. Communication in a marriage is as important as any other thing in a marriage, if not more. Bad communication or very little can impact the marriage in many ways. From not clearly discussing concerns or clarifying each other’s meanings or not asking the right questions, the marriage can result in suspicion, mistrust, and arguments.
Many times it is the little things that can trigger bigger issues. Arguments in any relationship are not a bad thing and can even be healthy. But if they are happening a lot due to a lack of understanding of each other or intolerance of the one person, then this means the marriage is in trouble.
Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for 50% of divorces. Lack of communication makes a marriage irreparable and leads to a lack of understanding and intolerance to each other. As per a survey, most women complain that men give a deaf ear to their feelings and opinions, whereas a majority of men blame nagging as the major cause of poor communication with their spouse.
In the conventional marital setup, either of the spouses decided to stay subservient, playing a vital role in the sustenance of marriage. However, today, the couples end up in ego clashes, both of them vying for an equal footing rather than mutually clarifying their concerns.
Remember, good communication is the foundation of a happy marriage. When two people are sharing a life together, they must be able to talk about what they need and be able to understand and try to meet the needs of their partner.
8. Lack of Compatibility
Lack of Compatibility is The Most Common Reason Behind Many Divorces: Every person has many expectations of his spouse. When you marry someone, you are sure your spouse is the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Most often you try to ignore minor issues that arise from time to time in your relationship because you are deeply in love with your partner.
Your married life is going well and is full of bliss. But remember, time always changes things. People grow up. Habits and interests change. You both take on new challenges. Your careers move forward. You become parents. Perhaps you both modify your political and religious views. Your circle of friends changes.
New people enter your life, and you like them, but your spouse may not. As you know, Change is inevitable and sometimes people don’t welcome this change. Your spouse finds it difficult to manage the present situation. You no longer share the same passions that you once did. Soon you feel unhappy and exhausted.
This lack of compatibility often leads to lots of arguments in married life and can make your life miserable. If you don’t handle it properly it finally becomes a cause of divorce. So every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious, and joyful relationship.
9. Lack of Commitment
Lack of Commitment is The Top Reason for Divorce: Lack of commitment in married life is another reason for many divorces. The reason for this is – Everybody wants to live with ultimate freedom but without any responsibility. And marriage is the relationship that demands the sacrifice of one’s comfort and complete dedication. Even though some would say that marriage is the ultimate commitment, 75% of the people surveyed said a lack of commitment played a part in the demise of their marriage.
Some surveys point out that couples who tie the nuptial knot without considering the responsibilities of married life later find themselves incapable to continue their marriage. Live-in relationships, social networking, dating websites – today the present generation has plenty of options to choose a new partner and bid adieu to the former one.
What is more, there is no longer a social stigma attached to breakups or divorces. Hectic and complex lifestyles cause anger, frustration, and confrontations, which may rock the foundation of the marriage. While some married couples carry on with their relationship because of their children or to avoid shame in society most of them, these days, seek divorce.
Major Reasons For Rising Rates of Family Divorce In USA
10. Lack of Tolerance
Lack of Tolerance is The Most Common Reason for Divorce: We have become less tolerant than before. People have lost patience today in each other and give up too easily…they want it like Now or never, they don’t understand it’s life, not a movie. Yes, we are a society known for our compassion and forgiveness. Not that I am justifying unreasonable behavior by anyone on valid grounds, but the fact is we have become an overly pretentious bunch of people.
As a society, we have lost modesty to a large extent. Education and developments in media have failed to teach individuals that respect for each other is very important for any relationship for that matter. Tolerance level between individuals has decreased with couples in the recent times. There are many reasons for this –
*Unproductive Social Media – Many People are comfortable spending time on the internet and social media than spending time with their partners.
*Couples believe no one has any dependence on anyone.
*Both individuals in a marriage are equally educated Couple.
Couples have more expectations from the marriage than what a marriage could actually give people in reality. Everyone wants to be a boss even after reaching home from the office. No one would want to listen to anyone. People believe they can be more happy living alone or with living with another partner than with the current one.
Note: If you believe that another partner can give you what you are missing in a relationship, then please have a thought about that. In some of the cases what I have seen is that things are even worse than the previous relationship and most of the time people end up accepting the fact that “this is how life will go”.
11. Unsupportive Nature of A Partner
Unsupportive Nature of A Partner is The Top Reason for Divorce: Another common reason for divorce is the unsupportive nature of a partner. The feeling of cooperation is gradually disappearing among married couples. People must understand that this whole world is working on the basic principle of “mutual existence”. There is no concept of “individual existence” to date. If couples want to live a happy married life they must have to learn how to co-operate.
Some women who are earning in the family no longer prefer to do household work or expect equal contribution from men not just in the kitchen, but for all work in the home (cleaning, cooking, managing kids, babysitting, etc). This is more specific to the elite’s who are highly educated and work for big corporations and who earn equal money as their husbands/partners.
But on the contrary, Men still think it’s the duty of women to give most of their time and energy to household work. It’s not a good approach. If the couple is working professionals they must share their responsibilities in equal proportion. They must try to value their partner as much as they themselves want to be valued.
12. Comparison of Spouse
Comparison of Spouse is The Most Common Reason for Divorce: Remember, no two persons are exactly the same. Every single being on this earth has something unique in him/her. Comparing your spouse with some other person is a terrible thing as it can easily weaken your relationship which finally leads to divorce. Try to respect the person you are living with. If you don’t like something in him/her, discuss it politely with a helping mindset.
Hemant Kumar writes on Quora, “I had an arranged marriage due to the wishes of my parents. At first, everything was fine. But after a few months, my wife just argued over little things and it became unbearable. She was never happy with anything I did for her and compared me to other men in her family. The only way out for me was divorce and after 2 years of marriage, I filed for divorce.”
So, don’t insult your spouse for his/her imperfections because you too are not perfect. Love, respect, and co-operate with your life partner. Remember, this age-old saying – Do not treat others, as you would not like to be treated.
Why Do Couples Divorce: These Reasons Are Often To Blame
13. Getting Married At An Early Age
Not Being Prepared For Marriage is The Common Reason For Divorce: Every year thousands of couples marry at an early age in countries like India, Pakistan, and China. In the USA, also there are many couples who get married in their early twenties. Terri Orbuch, a professor at Oakland University says, “Similarity between two partners helps predict who stays together and who doesn’t.”
Husband and wife marrying too young can cause divorce for many reasons… If you marry too early or haven’t been able to identify who you are and what’s important to you, then you can’t choose the best partner. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Almost half of all divorces take place within the first ten years of marriage.
More than 50% of couples of all ages have confessed that they were not mentally prepared for marriage. Couples who get married at an early age are more likely to face more financial issues because their careers are not established yet. In some cases, they have not matured and do not understand how to communicate effectively.
The married life of these young couples can become more complex if they decide to have children at an early age as well, as the amount of energy, effort, and financial resources required for the proper upbringing of a child can easily overwhelm even the mature couples. So, it’s better not to exchange wedding rings if you are not ready for marriage. Because it’s always better to late than to regret.
14. Cultural and Religious Reasons
Cultural and Religious Reasons are The Top Reason for Divorce: Thanks to the development of the latest technological innovations, today the whole world has become a global village. Now people can easily understand the culture of different parts of the world. But sometimes cultural customs or religious establishments can be the foundations for the breakdown of a marriage, as well.
Marrying someone of another religion, ethnicity, or vastly different culture could potentially pave the way for divorce. One partner might find himself unable to handle the societal pressures of the arrangement or may feel compelled to conform to the spouse’s/other culture’s ideals (e.g. child-rearing, dietary changes, etc.), which could lead to resentment.
In New Hampshire, if a spouse’s other half joins a religious sect, and that act leads to the destruction of the marriage, then the objecting partner can cite the episode as grounds for divorce; this is one of several grounds categorized unusual. Illinois also offers uncommon grounds for divorce, whereby a person can apply for a divorce when her spouse exposes her to a sexually transmitted infection.
15. Family Interference
Family Interference is The Most Common Reason for Divorce: Conflict with or intrusion by in-laws is a reason for Divorce: The role of in-laws in marriage is often a point of contention and sometimes it can lead to terrible situations. When a man and a woman tie the nuptial knot, they become a part of the family. She accepts your family as hers and you should accept her family as yours. You can’t keep differentiating your blood relatives from your in-laws.
But we (both boys and girls) are not taught to treat the new person as a family but many a time husband/wife is considered as an outsider. It happens in every family so it is the upbringing that has to be blamed here. Today the joint family structure is crumbling down, and the number of nuclear families is on the rise.
Any kind of interference from the spouse’s family is often misjudged as an invasion of marital privacy. While the family nosiness may be seriously nagging in some cases, the rest of them may be resolved by adapting to each other’s lifestyle. Persistent interference can result in couples heading to the court.
Final Words on Reasons For Divorce
Remember, Marriage is hard work. Do not take the other partner for granted. The previous generation had the luxury of doing so, but not anymore. Life is becoming more complex and you have to have a good life partner to navigate it. Perhaps, this will be your single most important decision. Remember, marriage is not something that will take you to heaven in the garden of God.
You have to nurture your nursery to the garden. Otherwise, you are in the Desert. You have to work a lot to make your marriage work. It requires love, effort, selflessness, respect and many other things that you have to think are important in your relationship. The percentage of Divorce is equally there in arranged and love marriage.
So love too vanishes, if you don’t put effort. When I was a student, I read somewhere – There is no substitute for hard work. That applies in the marriage too. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but don’t want separation or divorce, please consult a marriage counselor. We hope this article will help all the couples who are going through a tough time.
“Divorce is not really a tragedy. A tragedy is deciding to stay in an unhappy marriage and teaching your kids the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.”
– Jennifer Weiner