Funny Stories To Make You Laugh Out Loud, Funny Short Stories
Funny Short Stories To Make You Laugh Out Loud: Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things, or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. Bring a smile to your face with these funny stories – you will find laughter, humor, and a bit of wisdom in these.
We read Funny stories throughout our childhood. They always ended with a sweet little moral that taught us a thing or two about life. On this page, you will find a collection of great funny stories to tell friends. We are sure that you liked all the above stories as they are not only filled with humor but also have a lesson to teach.
You may find some of them to be motivational because they challenge you thinking in a humorous way but also in a motivating way. Share these funny stories with other people to brighten their day and give them a smile!
1. A Great Funny Story: Do Not Kill Him With Your Fist
Ward Lamon, Marshal of the District of Columbia during President Lincoln’s time in Washington, was a powerful man; his strength was phenomenal, and a blow from his fist was like unto that coming from the business end of a sledge. Lamon tells this story, the hero of which is not mentioned by name, but in all probability, his identity can be guessed:
On one occasion, when the fears of the loyal element of the city (Washington) were excited to fever-heat, a free fight near the old National Theatre occurred about eleven o’clock one night. An officer, in passing the place, observed what was going on, and seeing the great number of persons engaged, he felt it to be his duty to command the peace.
The imperative tone of his voice stopped the fighting for a moment, but the leader, a great bully, roughly pushed back the officer and told him to go away or he would whip him. The officer again advanced and said, ‘I arrest you,’ attempting to place his hand on the man’s shoulder when the bully struck a fearful blow at the officer’s face.
This was parried and instantly followed by a blow from the fist of the officer, striking the fellow under the chin and knocking him senseless. Blood issued from his mouth, nose, and ears. It was believed that the man’s neck was broken. A surgeon was called, who pronounced the case a critical one, and the wounded man was hurried away on a litter to the hospital.
There the physicians said there was a concussion of the brain, and that the man would die. All the medical skill that the officer could procure was employed in the hope of saving the life of the man. His conscience smote him for having, as he believed, taken the life of a fellow-creature, and he was inconsolable.
A Funny Story About President Abraham Lincoln
Being on terms of intimacy with the President, about two o’clock that night the officer went to the White House, woke up Mr. Lincoln, and requested him to come into his office, where he told him his story. Mr. Lincoln listened with great interest until the narrative was completed, and then asked a few questions, after which he remarked:
“I am sorry you had to kill the man, but these are times of war, and a great many men deserve killing. This one, according to your story, is one of them; so give yourself no uneasiness about the matter. I will stand by you.”
“Sir, That is not why I came to you. I knew I did my duty and had no fears of your disapproval of what I did,” replied the officer; and then he added: “Why I came to you was, I felt great grief over the unfortunate affair, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”
Mr. Lincoln then said, with a smile, placing his hand on the officer’ shoulder: “You go home now and get some sleep; but let me give you this piece of advice-hereafter, when you have occasion to strike a man, don’t hit him with your fist; strike him with a club, a crowbar, or with something that won’t kill him.”
Moral of The Story: Think wisely whenever you are going to take any important decision than regret it later.
2. Funny Story About Lincoln: Too Many Pigs For The Teats
An applicant for a sutlership in the army relates this story: “In the winter of 1864, after serving three years in the Union Army, and being honorably discharged, I made an application for the post sutlership at Point Lookout. My father was interested so we made an application to Mr. Stanton, the Secretary of War. We obtained an audience and were ushered into the presence of the most pompous man I ever met.
As I entered he waved his hand for me to stop at a given distance from him, and then put these questions, viz.: “Did you serve three years in the army?”
“I did, sir.”
“Were you honorably discharged?”
“I was, sir.”
“Let me see your discharge.”
“I gave it to him. He looked it over, then said:
“Were you ever wounded?’ I told him yes, at the battle of Williamsburg, May 5, 1861.”
“He then said: ‘I think we can give this position to a soldier who has lost an arm or leg, he being more deserving; and he then said I looked hearty and healthy enough to serve three years more. He would not give me a chance to argue my case.”
The audience was at an end. He waved his hand to me. I was then dismissed from the august presence of the Honorable Secretary of War. My father was waiting for me in the hallway, who saw by my countenance that I was not successful.
I said to my father: “Let us go over to Mr. Lincoln; he may give us more satisfaction.”
How Lincoln’s Sense of Humor Solved The Problem
He said it would do me no good, but we went over. Mr. Lincoln’s reception room was full of ladies and gentlemen when we entered. My turn soon came. Lincoln turned to my father and said:
“Now, gentlemen, be pleased to be as quick as possible with your business, as it is growing late.”
“My father then stepped up to Lincoln and introduced me to him. Lincoln then said:
“Take a seat, gentlemen, and state your business as quickly as possible.”
There was but one chair by Lincoln, so he motioned my father to sit, while I stood. My father stated the business to him as stated above.
He then said: “Have you seen Mr. Stanton?’
“We told him Sir, but he had refused.”
President Lincoln then said: “Gentlemen, this is Mr. Stanton’s business; I cannot interfere with him; he attends to all these matters and I am sorry I cannot help you.”
He saw that we were disappointed, and did his best to revive our spirits. He succeeded well with my father, who was a Lincoln man, and who was a staunch Republican.
Mr. Lincoln then said: “Now, gentlemen, I will tell you, what it is; I have thousands of applications like this every day, but we cannot satisfy all for this reason, that these positions are like office seekers. There are too many pigs for the teats.”
The ladies who were listening to the conversation placed their handkerchiefs to their faces and turned away. But the joke of ‘Old Abe’ put us all in good humor. We then left the presence of the greatest and most just man who ever lived to fill the Presidential chair.
Moral of The Story: Sometimes your sense of humor can solve complex problems in a jovial manner.
3. Akbar and Birbal Funny Story: The Pot of The Wit
Once Mughal Emperor Akbar became very angry at his favorite minister Birbal. He asked Birbal to leave the kingdom and go away. Accepting the command of the Emperor, Birbal left the kingdom and started working on a farmer’s farm in an unknown village far away under a different identity. As months passed, Akbar started to miss his beloved Birbal.
Because he was struggling to solve many issues in the empire without Birbal’s advice. He regretted a decision, asking Birbal to leave the empire in anger. So Akbar sent his soldiers to find Birbal, but they failed to find him. No one knew where Birbal was. Akbar finally found a trick.
He sent a message to the head of every village to send a pot full of the wit to the Emperor. If the pot full of wit can not be sent, fill the pot with diamonds and jewels. This message also reached Birbal, who lived in one of the villages. The people of the village got together. All started talking about what to do now?
The wit is not a thing, which can be filled in the pot. How will we arrange for diamonds and jewels to fill the pot and send it to the Emperor? Birbal who was sitting among the villagers said, “Give me the pot, I will fill the wit in one month’s end”. Everyone trusted Birbal and agreed to give him a chance. They still didn’t know his identity.
Birbal took the pot with him and went back to the farm. He had planted watermelons on his farm. He selected a small watermelon and without cutting it from the plant, he put that in the pot. He started looking after it by providing water and fertilizer regularly.
Within a few days, the watermelon grew into a pot so much that it was impossible to get it out of the pot. Soon, the watermelon reached the same size as the pot from inside. Birbal then cut the watermelon from the vine and separated it with the pot.
Later, he sent the pot to Emperor Akbar with a message stating, “Please remove the wit without cutting it from the pot and without breaking the pot”. Akbar watched the watermelon in the pot and realized that this can only be Birbal’s Work. Akbar himself came to the village and took Birbal back with him.
Moral of The Story: Don’t hasten the decision. Think hard to find a solution for the strangest situations.
4. Very Funny Story: A Man and Three Beers
A middle-aged man walked into a small Irish pub and ordered three beers. The bartender was surprised, but he served that man three beers. One hour later the man ordered three beers again. The very next day that man ordered three beers again and drank quietly at a table. This repeated several times and shortly after the people of the town were whispering about the man, who was ordering three beers at once.
A couple of weeks later, the bartender decided to clear this out and inquired: “I do not want to pry, but could you explain, why do you order three beers all the time?” The man replied: “It seems strange, isn‘t it? You see, my two brothers live abroad at the moment, one – in France and another – in Italy.
We have made an agreement, that every time we go to the pub each of us will order extra two beers and it will help keep up the family bond.” Soon all the town have heard about the man‘s answer and liked it a lot. The man became a local celebrity.
Residents of the town were telling this story to newcomers or tourists and even invited them to that pub to look at Three Beer Man. However, one day the man came to the pub and ordered only two beers, not three as usual. The bartender served him with sad feelings. All that evening the man ordered and drank only two beers.
The very next day all the town was talking about this news, some people pray for the soul of one of the brothers, others quietly grieve. When the man came to the pub the next time and ordered two beers again, the bartender asked him: “I would like to offer condolences to you, due to the death of your dear brother”.
The man considered this for a moment and then replied: “Oh, you are probably surprised that I order only two beers now? Well, my two brothers are alive and well. It’s just because of my decision. I promised myself to give up drinking.”
Moral of The Story: A man of weak Character always finds excuses to hide his own weaknesses.
5. A Funny Story: How Birbal Came To Akbar’s Court
Emperor Akbar loved to go hunting. On one such trip, he came across a young man named Mahesh Das. In the meeting that occurred, the Emperor was extremely impressed by the wit of Mahesh Das. The Emperor gave Mahesh Das his ring and asked him to come and visit him in his palace at any time. A few years later Mahesh Das decided to try his luck in the city and to take the emperor up on his offer.
He reached the city of Agra where Emperor Akbar had his fort on the banks of the Yamuna River. At the gate of the fort, he was greeted by the guards. He told them that he had come to visit with the emperor. The guards looked at him in disdain (since he was not very well dressed) and asked him why they should let him in.
He showed them the ring that was given to him by the emperor as proof. One of the guards realized that this individual obviously was of importance to the emperor and gave him permission to enter, based on one condition: the young man would share half of what he received from the emperor with the guard.
Mahesh Das promised to do so and was given access to the court of Emperor Akbar. He bowed to the emperor as he went in and showed him the ring. The reputedly benevolent Emperor Akbar recognized the ring and the young man and immediately offered him anything he wanted.
The young man thought a while and asked the emperor for fifty lashes of the whip. The emperor was amazed but he knew that Mahesh Das was a very astute young man and asked him for his reason for his wish. Mahesh Das revealed to the emperor the deal that he had made with the guard outside the fort.
The emperor was thoroughly amused and angry at the same time. He awarded the fifty lashes to the guard for his impertinence and his habit of bullying people. He rewarded Mahesh Das by including him in his court and giving him all the comforts he could desire. He also bestowed on him the name of Birbal. To this day, stories of Birbal’s wit are told to children in India.
Moral of The Story: Through Wisdom, you can solve even the most puzzling problems.
6. True Funny Story: Mixed Up Worse Than Before
Once President Lincoln told a story that most beautifully illustrated the muddled situation of affairs at the time McClellan’s fate was hanging in the balance. McClellan’s work was not satisfactory, but the President hesitated to remove him; the general was so slow that the Confederates marched all around him; and, to add to the dilemma, the President could not find a suitable man to take McClellan’s place.
The latter was a political, as well as a military factor; his friends threatened that, if he was removed, many war Democrats would cast their influence with the South, etc. It was, altogether, a sad mix-up, and the President, for a time, was at his wits’ end. He was assailed on all sides with advice, but none of it was worth acting upon.
“This situation reminds me,” said the President at a Cabinet meeting one day not long before the appointment of General Halleck as McClellan’s successor in command of the Union forces, “of a Union man in Kentucky whose two sons enlisted in the Federal Army. His wife was of Confederate sympathies.
His nearest neighbor was a Confederate in feeling, and his two sons were fighting under Lee. This neighbor’s wife was a Union woman and it nearly broke her heart to know that her sons were arrayed against the Union. Finally, the two men, after each had talked the matter over with his wife, agreed to obtain divorces.
This they, did, and the Union man and Union woman were wedded, as were the Confederate man and the Confederate woman-the men swapped wives, in short. But this didn’t seem to help matters any, for the sons of the Union woman were still fighting for the South, and the sons of the Confederate woman continued in the Federal Army.
The Union husband couldn’t get along with his Union wife, and the Confederate husband and his Confederate wife couldn’t agree upon anything, being forever fussing and quarreling. It’s the same thing with the Army. It doesn’t seem worthwhile to secure divorces and then marry the Army and McClellan to others.
For they won’t get along any better than they do now, and there’ll only be a new set of heartaches started. I think we’d better wait; perhaps a real fighting general will come along some of these days, and then we’ll all be happy. If you go to mixing in a mix-up, you only make the muddle worse.”
Moral of The Story: Don’t follow the advice of any person haphazardly. It will only mess up the situation.
7. A Great Funny Story of The Two Matches
One day there was a traveler in the woods in California, in the dry season, when the Trades were blowing strong. He had ridden a long way, and he was tired and hungry and dismounted from his horse to smoke a pipe. But when he felt in his pocket he found but two matches. He struck the first, and it would not light.
“Here is a pretty state of things!” said the traveler. “Dying for a smoke; only one match left; and that certain to miss fire! Was there ever a creature so unfortunate?
And yet,” thought the traveler, “suppose I light this match, and smoke my pipe, and shake out the dottle here in the grass-the grass might catch on fire, for it is dry as tinder; and while I snatch out the flames in the front, they might evade and run behind me, and seize upon yon bush of poison oak.
Before I could reach it, that would have blazed up; over the bush I see a pine tree hung with moss; that too would fly in fire upon the instant to its topmost bough, and the flame of that long torch-how would the trade wind take and brandish that through the inflammable forest!
I hear this dell roar in a moment with the joint voice of wind and fire, I see myself gallop for my soul, and the flying conflagration chase and outflank me through the hills; I see this pleasant forest burn for days, and the cattle roasted, and the springs dried up, and the farmer ruined, and his children cast upon the world. What a world hangs upon this moment!”
With that, he struck the match, and it missed fire. “Thank God!” said the traveler, and put his pipe in his pocket.
Moral of The Story: Do not think too much about a problem without taking appropriate action. It will not bear any fruit.
8. Always Tell The Truth To Avoid Any Lose
One night four college kids stayed out late, partying and having a good time. They paid no mind to the test they had scheduled for the next day and didn’t study. In the morning, they hatched a plan to get out of taking their test. They covered themselves with grease and dirt and went to the Dean’s office.
Once there, they said they had been to a wedding the previous night and on the way back they got a flat tire and had to push the car back to campus. The Dean listened to their tale of woe and thought. He offered them a retest three days later.
They thanked him and accepted his offer at that time. When the test day arrived, they went to the Dean. The Dean put them all in separate rooms for the test. They were fine with this since they had all studied hard. Then they saw the test. It had 2 questions.
1. Your Name ———— [1 Point]
2. Which tire burst? ———— [99 Points]
Options: [a] Front Left [b] Front Right [c] Back Left [d] Back Right
Moral of The Story: Always be responsible and make wise decisions.
9. Funny Story of A Sick Man and The Fireman
There was once a sick man who lived all alone in a small village in France. One day many houses in the village caught fire accidentally. So a team of fire-fighters entered the village to quench the fire. A fireman entered the burning house, where the old man stayed.
“Do not save me,” said the sick man. “Save those who are strong.”
“Will you kindly tell me why?” inquired the fireman, for he was a civil fellow.
“Nothing could possibly be fairer,” said the sick man. “The strong should be preferred in all cases because they are of more service in the world.”
The fireman pondered a while, for he was a man of some philosophy.
“Granted,” said he at last, as apart of the roof fell in; “but for the sake of conversation, what would you lay down as the proper service of the strong?”
“Nothing can possibly be easier,” returned the sick man; “the proper service of the strong is to help the weak.”
Again the fireman reflected, for there was nothing hasty about this excellent creature. “I could forgive you being sick,” he said at last, as a portion of the wall fell out, “but I cannot bear your being such a fool.”
And with that, he heaved up his fireman’s axe, for he was eminently just, and clove the sick man to the bed.
10. Your Talent Only Matters If You Use It at Right Place
A mother and a baby camel were lying around under a tree. Then the baby camel asked, “Mama, Why do camels have humps?”
The mother camel considered this and said, “We are desert animals so we have the humps to store water so we can survive with very little water.”
The baby camel thought for a moment then said, “Ok…why are our legs long and our feet rounded?”
The mama replied, “They are meant for walking in the desert.”
The baby paused. After a beat, the camel asked, “Why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes they get in my way.”
The mama responded, “Those long thick eyelashes protect your eyes from the desert sand when it blows in the wind.
The baby thought and thought. Then he said, “I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert then why in the Zoo?”
Moral of The Story: Skills and abilities are only useful if you are in the right place at the right time. Otherwise, they go to waste.
11. Funny Story: Could Lick Any Man In The Crowd
When the enemies of General Grant were bothering President Lincoln with emphatic and repeated demands that the “Silent Man” be removed from command, Mr. Lincoln remained firm. He would not consent to lose the services of so valuable a soldier. “Grant fights,” said he in response to the charges made that Grant was a butcher, a drunkard, an incompetent, and a general who did not know his business.
That reminds me of a story,” President Lincoln said one day to a delegation of the “Grant-is-no-good” style. Out in my State of Illinois, there was a man nominated for sheriff of the county. He was a good man for the office, brave, determined, and honest, but not much of an orator. In fact, he couldn’t talk at all; he couldn’t make a speech to save his life.
His friends knew he was a man who would preserve the peace of the county and perform the duties devolving upon him all right, but the people of the county didn’t know it. They wanted him to come out boldly on the platform at political meetings and state his convictions and principles; they had been used to speeches from candidates and were somewhat suspicious of a man who was afraid to open his mouth.
At last, the candidate consented to make a speech, and his friends were delighted. The candidate was on hand, and, when he was called upon, advanced to the front and faced the crowd. There was a glitter in his eye that wasn’t pleasing, and the way he walked out to the front of the stand showed that he knew just what he wanted to say.
“Feller Citizens,’ was his beginning, the words were spoken quietly, ‘I’m not a speaking man; I am no orator, and I never stood up before a lot of people in my life before; I’m not going to make no speech, except to say that I can lick any man in the crowd!”
Moral of The Story: Words are superficial, it is the work only that matters.
12. Funny Short Story of A Man and His Friend
A man quarreled with his friend and said to him, “I have been much deceived in you.” And the friend made a face at him and went away. A little after, they both died and came together before the great white Justice of the Peace. It began to look black for the friend, but the man for a while had a clear character and was getting in good spirits.
“I find here some record of a quarrel,” said the justice, looking in his notes.
“Which of you was in the wrong?”
“He was,” said the man. “He spoke ill of me behind my back.”
“Did he so?” said the justice. “And pray how did he speak about your neighbors?”
“Oh, he had always a nasty tongue,” said the man.
“And you chose him for your friend?” cried the justice. “My good fellow, we have no use here for fools.”
So the man was cast in the pit, and the friend laughed out loud in the dark and remained to be tried on other charges.
13. Funny Short Story of A Boastful Man
A man was very proud of his name – Shersingh (lion-hearted). He was always busy bragging about his bravery. To increase the effect of his stories and reputation he thought of getting a tattoo of a lion on his biceps. A professional tattoo artist was called for this. When the tattoo artist started pinching his needle, Shersingh started writhing in pain.
He tried to put up a brave face for a while but could no longer bear the pain and scolded the artist, “Why are you still making the tail of the lion? There are lots of animals without the tail, leave the tail and start drawing other parts of the lion’s body.”
This story continued and he kept on stopping the artist every few minutes. The result of this adventure for Shersingh was a deformed tattooed creature without a head or tail. He sighed and said, “My name and reputation are good enough and I don’t need an inscription to prove my courage.”
Moral of The Story: People with weak determination keep telling lies about their valor and courage but when the time comes to perform, they are the first to slime away and hide instead of facing a problem boldly.
14. Short Funny Story of A Beggar and The Colt
A beggar while on his way to a distant village saw many people riding on horses. As he was very tired he started praying aloud, “Oh God, grant that I may have a horse to ride”. One of the passengers was riding a mare which was quick with child, and as it came near the beggar it gave birth to a colt. The rider was in a fix as to what should be done with the new-born colt.
He saw the beggar and told him to take the young colt upon his shoulders and to follow him. The beggar realized that his prayer has been heard by God but that he had been misunderstood. He went with the colt on his shoulders saying, “Oh God, thou have misconstrued my prayer. I wanted to ride but not to be ridden by a horse.”
Moral of The Story: Sometimes we do not get the same things that we wish for.
15. Short Funny Story of Wise Man and The God
A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to God. The man asked, ‘God, what’s a million years to you?’ and God said, ‘A minute.’
Then the man asked, ‘Well, what’s a million dollars to you?’ and God said, ‘A penny.’
Then the man asked, ‘God…..can I have a penny?’ and God said, ‘Sure… in a minute.’
Moral of The Story: You are not going to get anything handed to you.